“Treat others the way you want to be treated.” The Golden Rule. I’m sure many of us have heard this throughout our lives. Teachers and parents trying to instill this value into children on playgrounds, in classrooms and in homes.
When we were raising our children; we often referred to the Golden Rule. “If you don’t want your sibling doing that annoying behavior; then you need to behave, also.”
We often focus on the Golden Rule for children. But, what applying the same rule to marriage?
My husband and I are coming up on our 30th wedding anniversary. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the past 30 years. I have learned so much about what works and what doesn’t in marriage.
I narrowed my married life lessons down to three major points.
The first is: Treat your spouse the way you wish to be treated.
Remember when you were first in love? You were sweet and kind. You were attentive, charming, flirtatious and generous with time and affection. Your spouse-to-be was a dream come true. You made the effort to treat him with kindness and consideration. You did special things for him; maybe make a favorite meal or watch a movie with him that you would not otherwise see.
I cannot speak for men; but I have observed a lot of married women over the past 30 years. After the honeymoon or the first child, I have witnessed wives become demanding, hard to please, nagging, distant and just plain bitchy. (Yes, I said it because the word is appropriate here)
What happened? Women have forgotten to treat their husbands like they want to be treated. Wives would never tolerate the treatment that they dish out to their husbands.
Here is an example: I do not like being yelled at, having orders barked at me, being nit-picked over everything I do or being treated like I am stupid, therefore; I make every effort to NOT do it to my husband.
Last week, I needed some heavy boxes moved upstairs to the attic. When I approached my husband, this is what I said, “Hey babe, when you get a few minutes; would you please move the boxes up to the attic? I would really appreciate it. Thank you.”
The response was “Sure. I’ll finish this email and get it done.”
“Please” and “Thank You”. So simple. No demands. No yelling. Just a request made with polite words. We tell children to use these words but; so often, we fail at the most basic level of politeness.
I have not done this perfectly in my own marriage. I have had to apologize for giving harsh criticism, speaking nagging words and conveying a dismissive attitude.
Ladies, the ability to make a beautiful, peaceful and lasting marriage lies with you. You are the key. Treat your man with love, kindness, consideration, affection and gratitude. You will be amazed at the change in your man and your marriage.
**NOTE TO THE READER: Implementing the Golden Rule in marriage only works if you have a good man. It will not work with an alcoholic, drug addict, abuser, narcissist, cheater or any other miscreant. If this is your situation, please get qualified help immediately. You are not obliged to stay in any situation that puts you or children in danger.
Life In The Valley 