Found Out

Twenty seven years ago, I was newly engaged to Phillip, my husband. When we were first engaged, we were so excited to plan the wedding, get married, and have a wonderful life together. . . . and I almost derailed the whole thing! We were discussing our plans and I asked if he had time to go with me to set up a bridal registry. He said that he didn’t want a registry. People could just get us what they wanted and if we wanted to, we could return the gift. No registry.

I admit I was annoyed by his proclamation. He didn’t seem to leave room for discussion. My aunts, cousins, grandmothers, and friends were all asking when and where I was registering. So, I did the “mature” thing: I made a registry in secret. I’m not sure what possessed me to do something so foolish. Oh wait, I do know. I was immature and afraid to have a conversation that could possibly result in conflict. It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to ask permission, right?

I took my older sister with me to Macy’s to get a registry all set up. I didn’t even tell her that I was being sneaky. I made her an unwitting accomplice to my deceitful plot. I started to feel guilty. It felt like a heavy weight was sitting on my chest. I was full of dread at the thought of Phillip finding out and breaking off our engagement. No way was that going to happen! I waited too long for this guy!

A few weeks later, Phillip and I were sitting at dinner and he asked me if I set up a bridal registry. What? How did he know? Immediately tears flowed. I confessed that I had done it. I expressed my regret and how I was afraid to push back or disagree because he might end our engagement. Phillip was very gracious and forgiving. He said that he had been heavy handed without asking how I felt about it. Then he said something crucial: disagreements wouldn’t end the relationship but being deceitful and secretive would definitely be a relationship killer. How could we build a marriage if there was deceit and fear? We had a long talk about expectations and resolving conflicts. By God’s grace, we have been married almost 28 years. (I did end up with a bridal registry. Who knew that my tears were so powerful? Apparently, a sobbing girl is kryptonite to a guy!)

Have you ever done something wrong and then tried to hide it? How did you feel? The psalmist described hiding sin this way:

Psalm 32:3-5 (The Voice)When I refused to admit my wrongs, I was miserable,
moaning and complaining all day long; so that even my bones felt brittle. For day and night
your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”
And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Verses 3 & 4  pretty much sum up how I felt for several weeks. Drained. Weak. Heavy in my heart and spirit. Hidden sin has a way of doing that.

Righteous living doesn’t always come easy. There are so many things out there to tempt us to do things we shouldn’t do. There are thousands of ways to please ourselves, and consequences be damned! It’s when the consequences start to manifest that we realize the full weight of our sin.

Romans 6:23 (VOICE) says, “The payoff for a life of sin is death, but God is offering us a free gift—eternal life through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, the Liberating King.”

This death from sin doesn’t just refer to spiritual death: separation from God. It’s relationship death, the fractured relationship between us and Jesus. It’s the relationships between us and loved ones. It’s death to our conscience as repeated sin makes us calloused to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Righteousness means being aligned with God’s standard for living. Is it easy? No. But here is where our the rubber of our faith meets the road of real life. Choosing to live righteously is often difficult but we can always rely on the strength of the Lord to steel us in our hearts and mind.

Psalm 28:7 (VOICE) The Eternal is the source of my strength and the shield that guards me.When I learn to rest and truly trust Him,
He sends His help. This is why my heart is singing!
I open my mouth to praise Him, and thankfulness rises as song.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.